PSA: Check the dates on your food folks.

— Brian Sweeney (@briswe) August 13, 2019

This story brought to you by the @7eleven that apparently doesn’t track their stock.

— Brian Sweeney (@briswe) August 13, 2019

Me to my son: don’t eeeeeever leave a bottle of milk in the van, especially if you didn’t finish it.
Son: but it was lumpy at the bottom
Me: I don’t … wait what?
(Looks at bottle … dated In April)
Me: 😱🤢☠️
Me: cool cool. How’s … how’s your tummy?

— Brian Sweeney (@briswe) August 13, 2019

And the landlords are not benevolent.

We Are Tenants on Our Own Devices | WIRED https://t.co/eBjkvKl83A

— Brian Sweeney (@briswe) May 24, 2019

“Reader, I laughed.”

Hahaha, so did I. This conceit isn’t used nearly enough.

— Brian Sweeney (@briswe) May 23, 2019

Trolling … it’s all about the lulz. Except:

“‘Boys throw stones at frogs in fun, but the frogs do not die in fun, but in earnest.’”

Don’t feed the trolls, and other hideous lies https://t.co/JC9NvSZnZM via @Verge

— Brian Sweeney (@briswe) May 23, 2019

“the idea that we’re always getting better keeps us from seeing those times when we’re getting worse”https://t.co/OSwn2K7baW

— Brian Sweeney (@briswe) May 8, 2019

“the idea that we’re always getting better keeps us from seeing those times when we’re getting worse”https://t.co/OSwn2K7baW

— Brian Sweeney (@briswe) May 8, 2019

Holy shit that was icing on the birthday cake. A man is happy.

— Brian Sweeney (@briswe) April 29, 2019

“Florida man shot at roommate over cat hair on couch”

Perfect. https://t.co/ZlHALKStBX

— Brian Sweeney (@briswe) March 21, 2019